Christmas Card Perfect

(Soundtrack: "Mele Kalikimaka" - Bing Crosby)

Receiving Christmas cards each year from friends and family is one of my favorite things about the Christmas season. I never sent a single Christmas card out until I met Christian, and I realize now what I was missing those years that I didn't. It's a great way to make sure that we get a family picture at least once a year, and I absolutely love and adore seeing the pictures of friends and family that we receive. In fact, we have a Christmas card box that we pull out every year that contains all of the past years' Christmas cards from friends and families, and we add to it each year. We like to compare year to year and see how everyone has grown and changed.

If you haven't received a Christmas card from us yet, please don't panic. We just got around to taking our family picture a couple of nights ago (thank you, Jason, for agreeing to be our photographer on such short notice - you did a FANTASTIC job!). Somehow, this year, the picture thing became much harder to get done than I thought it would, and I turned around and there we were - 1 week from Christmas, with no card in sight.

Let me take a second to make a quick sidenote reference here: People - really - let's be honest with each other for just a bit. Regardless of what we say outside of the confines of our homes, we all know, deep down, that The Goal of the Christmas card is, really, to present your family in all its "glory" - looking happy, content, well rested and (as Mary Poppins would say) Practically Perfect in Every Way. But, let's be realistic for a moment, shall we, and consider the "reality" of trying to capture that one glorious, moment in time which accurately reflects the beauty and contentment of our family?

(Please pardon me for a second while I step away to...BAHAHHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Sorry, back to the picture-taking story...)

OK, so I was filling you in on our last-minute attempt to capture that oh-so-accurate reflection of our family's beauty and contentment (note sarcasm here). Yeah. Let's take one jet-lagged, over-traveled, over-worked father, add one 4 1/2 month pregant working mom at year-end (why oh why are all contracts set up to expire on 12/31??), plus one 18 month old who is cutting 2 molars and hasn't slept well in 2 weeks, aaannndddd...just for good measure, let's throw in one dog who has just come in from the rain and been subjected to a small person chasing after his tail for 10 solid minutes.

SMILE!!!!

How in the world we ever got one good picture is beyond me. As I recall, the 5 minutes that we spent went something like this:

Grab the dog. Sit, Bear, Sit! Click. Brennan, where's Elmo? Smile for Elmo! Click.

Brennan, baby, it's OK - just sit still for one second for Daddy. Click. Bear, come here, buddy. It's OK, Baby Sister is just upset. You're OK. Sit down, buddy. Click.

Brennan, please don't pull Mommy's hair. Look at Jason. Brennan, where's Elmo?? Click.

In the end, we just had to laugh at it all. Really. And viewing the pictures really put it all into perspective for me. It truly did. And I realized that as much as we see everyone's perfect family pictures, and we strive to present our own perfect family picture for everyone else to see, in the end, our family nowhere near being perfect. Most days, we're frazzled and running around. Christian and I are passing each other like 2 ships in the night, doing dishes, laundry, feeding everyone, giving baths, reading stories and putting to bed. The calm in our Christmas card is nothing like our reality.

And, you know what? I'm totally OK with that. I love our imperfections and this crazy, whirlwind life we have. I wouldn't trade it for the world. In fact, my new family motto is "We put the fun in dysfunctional." As long as we're laughing at it all, life is good.

Merry Christmas to all of you - and to all of the imperfections that make our families so perfect.

Lots of love~

Kristen

Running and running...

(Soundtrack: "Silent Night" - Taylor Swift)
I continue to struggle this Christmas season. So much seems in turmoil lately: the political scandals, bail-outs, missing children, economic trials, soldiers away from their families... It's gotten to the point that I don't turn on the news anymore because I just feel so far away from God when I hear all of the bad things going on. So, I try to stay away from negative things going on outside of my little world.

But then there's the personal struggles - and those are more present, more demanding, and I can't just turn them off:

• The conflict I feel on a daily basis because when Monkey moves, I smile and feel such joy; yet, I am instantly reminded of my 2 angel nieces/nephews and how unfair it is that the joy that I was sharing being pregnant at the same time with my sister is no longer there. And my heart aches for the babies that I won't get to dote over as Aunt Kiki, and it breaks in half for my sister and brother because I know the confusion and hurt that they are experiencing - which can be especially difficult during the Christmas season.


• The conflict I am feeling as a parent of a toddler who is testing limits, but who, in 4 short months will no longer have our constant and undivided attention. How do I set those limits to make sure that we are raising a responsible, loving, well-adjusted child when all I want to do is smother her and spoil her to make sure that she knows how much she is totally loved in preparation for a new life with her brother/sister?


• The conflict I feel as a wife, who selfishly misses her husband in the 'early-just-the-two-of-us' ways of dinners out without sippy cups and crayons, lazy Sunday afternoons watching football, drinking beer and eating wings, after work recaps of the day and laundry-always-done-and-folded-before-you-ask-here-is-your-morning-cup-of-coffee-baby-have-a-good-day ways. Where now our exchanges frequently sound like Did-you-get-diapers-have-you-seen-her-paci-she-had-a-meltdown-at-school-do-you-want-McDonalds-or-ChicFilA-for-dinner-where-is-her-Elmo Sings-DVD?

And yet through all of this, I keep hearing it in my head:

"Slow down..." Oh, but there is too much to do!

"Slow down." I have to make sure everything is ordered, wrapped, prepped, kissed, fed, clothed...

"Slow down. Listen."

I hear you, God. I do. Thank you.

Love,

Kristen

Advent

(Soundtrack: "All My Praise" - Selah)
When I was little, my favorite part of the holidays at our church was the Advent wreath lighting. I really didn't understand the whole significance of it, I just remember that every year they would ask the children to read a passage each week as part of the weekly candle lighting. I participated 2 years, and I remember practicing on our family advent wreath at home before the Sundays I was to read.

Since I've been married, Christian and I have been on the 'hunt' for an Advent wreath for our family table. We've had a difficult time finding one, but especially since we're still looking for our permanent church home and I'm really missing that part of the Christmas tradition, I'm renewing my hunt this weekend. I think it's really important for Brenn to grow up with the Christian traditions of Christmas along with all of the 'commercial' and family-type traditions that we currently have.

But, please don't let me make you think that I now have an in-depth understanding of the Advent season, the symbolism of each of the Chrismons and colors of the candles. I really don't remember. So, I was reading up the other day about the Advent season (thanks for the nudge, dear Amber!) and I read about how Advent really was a season of excited anticipation, patient waiting and hope for a renewed spirit and life - all in preparation for Christ's arrival. That really struck me, especially because, truthfully, until about 4 1/2 years ago, I had lived most of my life in excited anticipation, patient waiting and with a sense of hope (in the midst of turmoil) for the promise of better things to come.

I was introduced to my favorite bible verse in high school - Jeremiah 29:11(NIV) - "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.'" This verse has been close to my heart ever since then. It is my greatest comfort and reminds me that through it all, God doesn't make mistakes. And now that I dive more into Advent, it now seems to come together - why I've always felt especially close to God during Advent, and why this verse has stayed with me for so long. I believe and hold onto the promise of God's love for me, in the midst of anything.

I have someone who is very dear to me who is having surgery today - a surgery that I have had myself. My heart breaks for her and her husband because of everything that they are going through today. While the physical aspect of it is relatively simplistic today, it is the emotional aspect that is the most difficult. But my heart breaks even more because I know that today is really the easiest part of the emotional rollercoaster that they are getting ready to face in the days and weeks ahead.

Truthfully, I myself am trying to wrap my head around why they are having to go through this, and why God would have them endure this - why two wonderful, loving people would have such difficulties. Quite frankly, in my chats (ok, I admit, and rants) with God in the past few days since I found out about the surgery, I haven't been very nice in arguments to Him about why He should have chosen someone else to carry that burden. And, oh my...each time, He has gently led me back (like I do with my 18 mo. old after a tantrum) to the Advent wreath and to Jeremiah.

Hope...plans...patient and joyful anticipation of a beautiful future in the midst of darkness. We hold onto those things - and mainly we hold onto Hope - in the midst of it all, believing that in the end, God truly does have a plan for us: a plan for a life that is beautiful and full of love and hope and A Future. I believe that, and I hold onto that. I really do.

Lots of love,
Kristen