Happy Birthday, Baby!

(Soundtrack: "Everyday" - Dave Matthews Band)
There isn't really a day that goes by that I don't realize how lucky I am to have my husband in my life. (Well, OK, don't call me out yet - I concede that, as with all marriages, some days that thought stays around a little longer than others! ;) But, I digress...)

But what does lucky really feel like for me? What does it mean in my life, in relation to Christian?

Lucky is having someone to come home who makes me feel as though he is the safest shelter possible from the storm of the outside world.

Lucky is having someone who makes me giggle like my daughter, laugh like a fool, and just plain giddy when he squeezes me tight.

Lucky is having someone who takes my hand across the console in the car for no reason other than to let me know he's there.

Lucky is having someone who tickles his daughter daily, calls her Pumpkin, reads stories with character voices, plays the guitar to her on the 9th of every month to wish her a 'happy birthday', and can't stand for her to call out "Dada!" more than twice over the monitor before he's up in her room to comfort her.

Lucky is knowing that every morning, I am going to hear a dreadfully off-key, off-lyric interpretation of a song from the 80s that I haven't heard in years coming from the shower, and it making me smile like a silly schoolgirl.

Lucky is having someone who loves the dog more than you do, gives waaaay more treats a day than is necessary, and regularly lies down on the floor beside him just to pet him for awhile.

Lucky is having someone who, every day, makes you feel loved and appreciated, even when you feel like you are doing the WORST job possible in every single aspect of your life.

Yes, I am a very, very lucky woman. In fact, I am the luckiest.

Happy birthday, baby - I love you!
Kristen

It's what you make of it...

Well, it's the truth for pretty much anything, right?

Experience is.....what you make of it.

Life is....what you make of it.

Relationships are...what you make of it.

Parenting is...what you make of it.

Ice cream is...oops! Sorry, I digress - the pregnancy thing kind of took over for a second. ;)

A very good friend told me, in response to my last post, and my stance that I was deactivating my Facebook account because of my desire to ensure that the past stayed in the past, that "It is what you make of it" (meaning Facebook). And I was left to ponder. Is it really? Is anything ever really "what you make of it"?

Here's what I figured out - yes and no. My experiences, my life, my relationships, etc. - YES - they are what I make of them. How I interpret them, how I respond to situations, how I process them emotionally, to a certain degree, determines how it will all be remembered. So, in that regard, I suppose that statement is true.

But here's where I have to say NO - they are not just "what I make of" them. Sometimes, external factors come into play that make it impossible for you to process something as it is in reality. Sometimes, you are thrown into a situation where all control and all choice is taken away.
So what has that got to do with Facebook and my account? Well, here's what I have decided: I am going to keep my account active, because in the past couple of days, I have reconnected with some people that were really, truly dear to me, and who were with me during some pretty turbulent times, or were friends who have made such an impact on my life that I understand and acknowledge that, I am who I am today because of some of those experiences shared with these dear souls. But, I would be foolish to think that everyone that I 'find' or that 'comes out of the facebook woodwork' is going to garner this warm reaction. So, I am hopeful that I will be able to stay in my little Facebook bubble for a little while longer. And, if my account is suddenly deactivated, you'll understand why it was done without notice or prior "Wall" notification.

Love,
Kristen

Feng Shui & Facebook

I've been reading a great book that I found tucked away on a bookshelf a couple of days ago: Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui. Now, I admit, I've never necessarily bought into the whole feng shui thing, but it was the 'clear your clutter' part that originally made my mom buy the book. I picked it up at her house a couple of years ago, carted it back with me to NC and it's been sitting on a shelf, well, ::ahem:: cluttering things up, until Saturday, when I picked it up and started reading it again.

The tenants that the author sets out are quite telling. In fact, I'll save you the trouble of buying the book if you want: essentially, you hinder moving forward with things in your life, you prevent other experiences and people from coming in to your life, and you carry more baggage than necessary (physically & emotionally) when you keep clutter around. Clutter is defined as anything you don't use on a regular basis (minus Christmas decorations, I suppose, but even those should be 'purged' every once and awhile).

So, I started looking around at our house, and looking at some of the 'things' that I've kept around. For those who know me, they know that clutter was not something that I had to even remotely worry about 4 1/2 years ago. (Ha!) But, it's amazing how in those short 4 1/2 years how I have let things accumulate and have not purged the way I should have. Perhaps that, along with the crazy, vivid, pregnancy-hormone-induced dreams, which has led to this whole need to figure out what I am keeping around that could potentially be holding me back and bogging me down with 'baggage'.

Which brings me to Facebook. OK, so I like to think of myself as a pretty internet-savvy kind of gal. I Google. I blog. I do most of my Christmas shopping online. But, I am vividly aware that, as the mother of children that will grow up in a technology-driven world, it is CRITICAL for me to know what ROTFLMAO & CUL8R means, how to send a text message within a 2 minute time limit, regularly review "what Perez sayz", and all that other good stuff to ensure that my child does not end up as bait for "Dateline: Online Predators". So when a friend of mine, back in September, mentioned she had looked for me on Facebook, and that I really needed to be on it, how much fun it was, etc. I figured it was all for the good of the future safety of our children, so I created a profile. I kept it inactive until Kelly started telling me how much fun she was having connecting with old friends, Lucy pleaded for me to get on so we could keep in touch better, and Janis basically hinted that I wasn't as sassy as I thought I was by not keeping it updated on a regular basis.

I went back on. And immediately started looking up people. People that I had tried to find for years immediately jumped up on the Search Return screen and I was amazed at how I was whisked back into time - high school and college. The girlfriend who taught me how to twirl, and changed my high school years. First person on the Results list. Married. 2 kids. The first boy I ever kissed. Found him! (NO, I didn't send him a 'friend' request). Old, OLD friends from way-back. I felt like I had jumped in a time machine, and was amazed at the raw emotions that I felt just looking at these pictures of people from my past - the joy, the sorrow, the insecurities, the sweet innocence of those years - all of those feelings from 'youth' that slammed into me and were real, and so close.

The good news? Everyone I looked up is well and has beautiful lives and families (at least on screen - ha!) The better news? That "One-Sweet-Whirled-Back-Into-the-Old(er)-Me" and all the emotion that bubbled up so quickly to the surface just reinforced my need to let go of the clutter. You see, I am not one of those people who can arbitrarily look at pictures or hold an object with just memories. I look at pictures and I can feel the emotion I felt when it was taken (that's why I keep so many sweet wedding pictures around me) - I can hold the stuffed dog that Christian bought at the hospital when I was in labor with Brennan, and I can smell the room, feel the pressure in my belly and I tear up feeling the anticipation of her birth. Yah. No lie. That's just how I am. Christian can vouch for me. ; )

So, (aside from the online article I read last month that Facebook has caused a small jump in the amount of people who cheat from 'rekindled' romances, and I am a firm believer in being careful of the 'doors you leave open' in your life - sorry, I digress...), I've looked at how I really, really want to just focus on our future ahead, and I've decided to deactivate my Facebook account. It's going inactive on Friday. I'm sorry for all of those friends that I added to my home page, and I certainly hope this omission from my internet world won't scar my children by my omission years down the road. And, I am by NO MEANS begrudging anyone who has a Facebook profile and enjoys it - it's great for some! But, what I've figured out about me is that the people that I hold dear, the ones that - past and present - are in my life now, are going to remain in my life regardless of whether or not I update my profile on an internet screen. And, sometimes, I've finally learned, that is truly is best just to leave the past in the past, and leave the future wide open for possibility.

Now, back to my cleaning out....

Lots of love,
Kristen

Busy Busy Busy

So again, I find myself here apologizing for not updating more often. I must admit, keeping the blog going is a little more difficult that I had imagined. Although, I suppose it's a lot like working out - once I start it and get into a rhythm with it, I really enjoy it.

Halloween was a great deal of fun, and we had a wonderful time with Sassy and Rocco while they were here. The munchkin went to one house, where she proceeded to 'taste test' a couple of pieces of wrapped candy and then wanted to give them back! I suppose this is just the first of many too cute, yet utterly embarassing moments to come! I'll be posting pictures soon - promise!

Work has been hectic for both Christian and I lately, which has made it increasingly difficult for us to keep our eyes open past 8:30 at night. So, if you've called either of us, or the house, trying to chat after that, please don't take it personally that we're caccooned in bed! All of our energy is spent (while away from our baby girl during the day) working and taking care of our respective customer set, and then in the evening, chasing after our rambunctious 17 month old, who now has decided that 2:30AM is a FANTASTIC time to play. Thankfully, she calls out for her "DaDA!" who obliges her with a trip down to our bed within minutes of his beckoning.

Hopefully, the teething/sleeping/tantrum thing will pass soon, and we'll be back on schedule. We have but 5 short months to prepare ALL of us for the newest addition to the Perry clan. Or, maybe, we should just give the prospect of any kind of schedule up for the next year or so, and just roll with it.

Ahhhh...in the end, life is good!

Lots of love,
Kristen